Progress

by Moony Marrow

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02:40
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02:19
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02:04
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credits

released May 10, 2016

All songs written, performed and recorded at the Blue House in Portland, OR by Moony the Micher aka Alex Minneker aka Moony Marrow

Thank you to Izabella Unger-Weiss (who performs solo as Izzy and the Chimera) for playing mandolin and singing on Titanic by James Cameron and for singing on Its Too Bad (If We Can't Be Friends) and Better Off Alone and for letting me borrow her electric bass and guitar to record with

Thank you to Chan Benicki aka Porch Cat for providing vocals and singing saw on Better Off Alone and Titanic by James Cameron and writing a verse and singing on Its Too Bad ( If We Can't Be Friends)

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about

Moony Marrow Bellingham, Washington

Radical roots singer/songwriter from the Pacific Northwest,
DIY Home Recordings,
Folk, Pop, Cowpunk, Rock & Roll, etc. Also plays in the Ragshakers

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Track Name: Blood Flow
everywhere I look I see things that remind me of my personal failings
I walk over the overpass and dream of jumping over the railings
they put those fences up for people like me
they put up those fences for people like me

when you were a kid you heard your parents talking
they were down in the basement
you could hear your father's voice
coming up through the heat vents
"Don't you ever wish we never had kids?"
and you started to wish that you didn't exist

you're a fucking force of nature, don't you ever forget it
this world has got nothing on you, not unless you let it
I won't tell you everything will be alright
but I'm your friend and I'm with you in this fight

everybody's doing the best they can, even if they aren't even trying
you've gotta keep on living even while you're dying
I wanna die with a song in my heart
even if I'm violently torn apart

and I'll sing, whoa
while I watch my blood flow...
Track Name: Why Is Life So Hard?
I'm breaking down, I'm breaking down hard
I'm shaking now my brain is scarred
I'm trying to make sense of all this pain
But there is just no way to explain

Why is life so hard?

I've got a disease and there's no cure
Sometimes it's more than I can endure
I'm trying to make sense of god's plan
I don't think I can understand

Why is life so hard?

Does it all amount to nothing in the end?
At least I'm not alone
At least I've got my friends
And if it all amounts to nothing in the end
Oh well, we'll still give em hell!
Track Name: Better Off Alone
The house is cold and empty just like me I feel it shivering
Held out some hope for times like these now I can feel it withering
and I know im better off alone
I'm better off alone, I'm better off...

I once threw a party no one came, I guess it's all the same cause
I got legend of Zelda and well thats a single player game
and I know I'm better off alone
I'm better off alone
I'm better off without out them in my life

You cannot respect me because you do not accept me
And you cannot accept me because you do not respect me
and I know I'm better off alone
I'm better off alone
I'm better off without you
In my life
Track Name: Failed Man
the first time someone called me 'queer'
I didn't know what it meant
so I looked it up in the dictionary
and I took it as a compliment, whoa-oh
I took it as a compliment

it said 'strange, odd or unusual'
and I thought to myself,
why would anyone ever wanna be
wanna be anything else?

the first time I ever wore a dress
I should've known my life would be a mess
cause I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw
just a little less, just a little bit less

I was just fourteen I wish someone had told me then...
that I didn't have to feel like a failed man
I didn't have to feel like a failed plan.

and I'll stop being 'queer' the day
you stop saying it's not OK
for people to act a certain way
because of their anatomy
because of the shape of their bodies

maybe I wouldn't have to feel
maybe I wouldn't have to feel
maybe I wouldn't have to feel like a failed man
wouldn't have to feel like a failed plan
Track Name: Let Go (Hold On)
CW needles, drugs, medical trauma

You told me how you put the needle
Between your ring and pinky toe
Because that was the only place
Left that wouldn't show

Every time you came home looking thinner
God damn it we're gonna sit down and eat dinner-
as a family for once

pulling teeth out at the table
I remember thinking that was normal

When you got out of rehab
you said you'd been born again
You told me that Jesus had
forgiven all your sins

and I said I forgave you too
But I think that I spoke too soon
I think I spoke too soon

I wanted it to be true
I wanted to be unburdened too

You have to let go
You have to let go (hold on)

When they put the needle
Down into my spine
When we got home I acted like
everything was fine

But inside I was begging to die
I was begging to die I was begging to die
I was begging please God help me

But God did not answer
and somewhere some little kid is dying of cancer

You have to hold on
You have to hold on (let go)
Track Name: Progress (It's All On Me)
I guess I really thought that I was making progress
But now I'm even worse off than I was
Two steps forward and ten steps back
How can I ever get back on track

Make up for what I lack
there's so many things I can't take back

I wish I realized that I was on an island
When I let those bridges burn
I wish I had realized that I'd be on my own
Stranded with no way to get back home

Now I'll die alone
Far from everything I've ever known...

Under the overpass
I'm going nowhere fast
So won't you let it fall on me

Let it fall on me
I know it's all on me
It's all on me

Maybe I won't always be a disappointment
Maybe I'll wake up and make a therapy appointment
Instead of laying hear waiting to waste away
Hour after hour day after day

Under the overpass
I'm going nowhere fast
So won't you let it fall on me

Let it fall on me
I know it's all on me
It's all on me
Track Name: Lie, Lie, Lie (Right Thru My Teeth)
Lying to you when I say
Everything will be ok
But I'll say it anyway
If it helps you make it through the day
If it helps you to make it through one more day

I'll hold you close and keep you near
Tell you what you need to hear
Tell you there's nothing to fear
Maybe we can make it through one more year

I'll lie lie lie right through my teeth
If it can give you any relief
When I hear you cry I will say
Everything will be OK

Why why why is life so brief
There's hardly enough time to process all the grief
Before you die and your soul flies away
Everything will be OK
Track Name: Leave Me Alone
I don't think that I can even look you in the eye
And tell you with a straight face that I don't wanna die
Darling draw the curtain, please pull the shade
I'm hurtin and I'm certain I can't see the sun today

and I don't know how much longer I can carry on this way
Knowing I'll never be ok
No matter what I do or what I say

When the black blood starts dripping from
The corner of your mouth
First you get the cough and then your fingernails fall off
And then your teeth start coming out

You're bleeding internally from an unholy wound
Cut with the blade taken
From the ancient tomb

and I don't know how much longer I can sit here in my room
Gazing agape into the gloom
Close your eyes and it'll all be over soon

And if you can't help then just leave me alone

Cut in half while people laugh, I'm slowly torn in two
If you wanna see what's inside of me
You can get a real good view

I know that I am hollow beyond any doubt
Because they cut me open
And scraped the soft parts out

And I don't know how much longer I can carry on like this
Gazing into the abyss
Doing my best not to exist

And if you can't help then just leave me alone
If you can't help then just leave me alone
Track Name: Coming Soon
Dreamed that I died and when I woke up I cried
When I realized I was still alive
For I had tasted just how sweet it was to die
Dreamed that I died and when I woke up I cried

Never learned to do anything the easy way
No matter what anyone might do or say
Well, I can tell ya there's a price you must pay
For never learning to do anything the easy way

I don't really like to whine
But life gets harder all the time
And I hope something better
Is coming soon

You don't know how badly I wanna run right now
Wake up with the sun and take a train outta town
But I still feel so weary and so god damn broke down
You don't know how badly I wanna run right now

Jumped from a sinking ship onto a burning one
I realized too late just what I had done
I guess you could say that I had a good run
Jumped from a sinking ship onto a burning one

I'm not going to name any names
But they stacked the odds and rigged the game
And I hope something better
Is coming soon
Track Name: Titanic By James Cameron
I feel like I'm reading some amateur screenplay
Every time we start acting romantic
Like I know the next thing we're both gonna say
And it makes me feel so frantic

Cause I don't wanna end up like those couples you see on tv
Whoa, the dream of the nuclear family
Always seemed like a nightmare to me

But lately I'm starting to feel like I'm in fucking Titanic
And I whisper, "Jack"
And you call out, "Rose"
and I just start to panic

Cause I don't wanna end up in the cargo hold
In some car with my dress loosened
Wasting what time and breath we've got left
Turning the windows translucent

Cause I'd rather be in the band that keeps playing while the ship is sinking
And so my friend, take me by the hand
I know you know what I'm thinking

I won't whisper sweet nothings into your ear
As the end draws near
Instead I'll say, "For now, so long"
"Now how about what more song?"
How about one more song?
One more song...
"
Track Name: It's Too Bad (If We Can't Be Friends)
You saw the worst in me
I showed it to you, I owed it to you
Because I saw the worst in you
And I cursed it too

You said most likely ill go my way
And you go yours-and now it seems
As if our friendship has sailed its course, woah

It's too bad if we can't be friends anymore

We went blow for blow on our phones
And we both know that sticks and stones
Can fuck you up but so can a few choice words, woah

I know I let you down when I left town
And broke up the band
You know I'm hurting too I hope you understand

Chorus

You fucked me over one too many times
Now it's over that means goodbye
unless you want to apologize

You must be joking
you'll be choking on those words
Before too long
It is you who must admit that you were wrong

It's too bad if we can't be friends
But then again I guess that depends
On whether we can respect each other
Otherwise why even bother
Trying to work things out?

You never wrote me back
you were out of stamps
And I just can't believe
you never thought that
I was worth the cost, whoa*

I became a recluse it's no excuse
For not keeping in touch
But I hope you know I still love you so much

And it's too bad if we can't be friends anymore
Track Name: Inauthenticity
Let me get one thing straight
I'm not gonna wait any longer
To start living authentically
To start figuring out what that even means

By trying to comply
I spent so many years just living a lie
And that's hard to accept
But even harder to deny

I don't think I'm ever gonna stop
Growing and changing
If I find the parts don't fit
I'll take them and I'll rearrange them

It's becoming clear
I spent so many years just living in fear
But it's hard to be visible
When you'd rather disappear

But I can't afford to wait any longer
I'm afraid I'll lose my soul
The feeling is getting stronger
Playing such an unfulfilling role
Inauthenticity

I don't think I'm ever gonna stop...