Sick at Heart

by Moony Marrow

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01:43
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03:03
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9.

credits

released April 20, 2015

Moony the Micher-acoustic and electric guitars, upright bass, harmonica drums and beats, organ, glockenspiel, vocals, percussion, pizza box

Porch Cat plays singing saw on tracks 3, 6 and 10 and sings on tracks 1, 4, 5, 7, and 8
Izabella Unger-Weiss played plectrum style banjo on the first track, and let me use her banjo to play the finger picked part later on!
album artwork by Chan Benicki

all songs written by Moony the Micher aka Moony Marrow and recorded at the Blue House in Portland Oregon between September 2014 and April 2015

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license

all rights reserved

about

Moony Marrow Portland, Oregon

Radical roots singer/songwriter from the Pacific Northwest,
DIY Home Recordings,
Folk, Pop, Cowpunk, Rock & Roll, etc. Also plays in the Ragshakers

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Track Name: sick at heart
maybe my mom is right about me
maybe i am an asshole
well maybe i am because raising me well
didn't seem worth the hassle
now I can't get a job
I can't get out of bed in the morning
and I hope death comes swift at last
and takes me without warning

if this is heaven well it smells an awful lot like cat piss
and if this is hell well for once I'll have a permanent address
if this is love I think I've seen enough
if this is growing up well I think I'm sick

I'm sick, sick at heart
and the machine is so massive
i'm sick of taking part
by being passive

so i'll lay my body down upon
the gears and all the apparatus
of theory we've grown weary
let's start putting it into practice
first we'll quit our jobs
and then we'll burn our leases
fight the police and the patriarchy
and smash them into pieces

if I'm not able bodied
well the world would have me think I'm worthless
if I can't join the army well my life will never have a purpose!
like fighting epic battles... for corporate interests
in a distant land
but I'd rather watch the cities burn
then let the system stand
Track Name: it's not your fault
dad said
"shit happens"
so plan for the unexpected
didn't plan to be abandoned
didn't plan to be neglected
by the wolves who raised me
the bullets that have grazed me
i wish they would've killed me
that would've thrilled me

but instead they spared me but only just barely
left me to live in a world that treats people unfairly
unless you're white and wealthy
young and thin and healthy
straight cisgender male you'll find
this world will not treat you so kind

you know your only worth your weight
in fools gold
you're not really worth your salt
but it's not your fault
it's not your fault

if you're wondering how i turned out
i guess i'm just burned out
let's see how many shitty songs
like this one i can churn out
before i expire or i just get too tired
of trying to convince you all
that I am not a liar

going through the motions
faking these emotions
this mean routine will leave you cold
it will leave you feeling so old
and I'm just sick of being told

you know you're only worth your weight
in fool's gold
you're not really worth your salt
but it's not your fault
because they opened up the vault
and cleared everything out
replaced all your self worth with self doubt
Track Name: I'm a dud
i need a reason to keep living
i need a reason not to give in
to the urge to self destruct
well i'm coming unglued
i've been feeling so stuck

like a stick in the mud
while i await detonation i think i'm a dud
and there's nothing like falling in love
there's nothing like falling in love...
to tear your world apart

now i'm just living for no reason except to commit this treason
while i wait here to combust cause I've lost all my trust
in people and institutions
I fell in love with the revolution
and there's nothing like falling in love
no there's nothing like falling in love..
no there's nothing like falling in love
to tear your world apart
Track Name: take my hand
take my hand
don't pull me down again
take my hand
i won't watch you drown again

it's taking all the strength i have
just to keep my head above the water
i've already fallen so far
i didn't think that i could fall much farther

take my hand
don't pull me down again
take my hand
i won't watch you drown

all i wanna do is dream
all i really wanna do is sleep
but I'll stay alive as long as
i've still got a promise left to keep

and i promise i won't leave you here alone
since we've both been thrown
overboard and the lights on the distant shore are dim
and no one ever taught us how to swim
in water as rough as this
i won't see you get sucked into the abyss

so take my hand
but don't pull me down again
take my hand
i won't watch you drown again

i'll be here to see you through
i'll be your friend when there is no one else
and maybe taking care of you will help me learn
to take care of myself
Track Name: turn this around
haven't much to say in my defense
my brain's been dropping calls from common sense
telling me to get my shit together before it's too late
telling me it just gets harder the longer that I wait
to find help to turn this thing around
God, I hope I can still turn this around

can't just stay here sitting on the fence
my brain just cannot handle the suspense
gravity is pulling my soul into the black hole
that is growing somewhere deep inside my skull
but I'll take the controls
and I'll turn this ship around
god I hope I can still turn this around
yes I hope i can still turn this around
Track Name: nothing but space
my heart is a black hole
it sucked you right in
and I would let you go
but I don't know if I can

chorus:
there's nothing but space between us
no there is nothing but space

my eyes are made of tinted glass
come closer and you will see
the windows to my soul
are just two holes in my skull
it's just emptiness that lives inside of me

chorus

my brain is my personal hell
fires burning in a furnace of doubt
my brain is a prison cell
and I know I'm never getting out

there's nothing but space between us
no there is nothing but space
Track Name: life is a gift
i swear I'll swallow the sword of damacles
and then I'll do just damn well as I please
and so I followed my heart clear off the edge of a cliff
and halfway down I realize that life is a gift

but sometimes I wish I kept the receipt
and sometimes I wish I could just repeat
all of the moments when I was happy and carefree
but when I think about it I realize that wouldn't be me

and freedom's a hard burden to bear
when you're so numb it's hard to care
and life is a game... but everything is at stake
and at some point you realize you play for your own sake
just keep playing for heaven's sake

i tried to swallow my pride I threw it up again
I try to force it down I can't keep it in
well, I'd say we should go out and become our own saviors
but that doesn't seem to take into account
all of our self destructive behaviors

when life is a gift you didn't want
pretending to be happy, "gee mom, thanks a lot.."
you can't take it back if it fits too tight
you can't exchange it for a better life

someday I'll swallow the sword of damacles
and then I'll learn to live with this disease
Track Name: making it out alive
i don't think I'm gonna make it
and I don't know how much longer I can fake it
and act like everything's alright
i don't think I'm gonna make it through this
endless night

it's been dark for days on end
laying low like I'm on the mend
but I'm plagued by thoughts of self destruction
until I'm just too fucked too function

the light at the end of the tunnel grows dimmer
the last ray of hope is just a glimmer
my chances never have been slimmer
of making it out alive

but happiness is never permanent
just like the stars up in the firmament
that have already burned out and died
though the light can still reach our eye
Track Name: never getting better
i feel like I'm living inside of a space station
filled with machines and flashing screens
that enhance my isolation
i feel like I'm frozen inside of my own skin
like I'm losing the person I have always been

every day is a test
never get any rest
go to bed but get maybe
a few hours at best
they say you'll be ok
just take one more bit
but if life is a buffet
I think I've lost my appetite

and it might not get better
but I hope i get better
at dealing with it...
never getting better

thought I hit rock bottom
even that fell through
thought i knew how bad things could get
i didn't have a clue
the pain is getting worse
but I'm still hanging tough
i've got these little pills
i think i need some stronger stuff

because it might not get better
but I hope i get better
at dealing with it
never getting better

I can't stand up for falling down
my legs are too unstable
i guess i'm just damaged goods
at least that's how I'll be labelled

and no amount of praying
can fix my broken brain
but I've got a tattoo that says
"owner will maintain"

never used to worry
staying out all night
drink and dance and fuss and fight
until the morning light
now you know I'm grieving
for the person that I was
they say that some relief might come
but it never does

and it might not get better
but I hope I get better
at dealing with it
never getting better